As referenced above, as a relationship and sexual health coach I value transparency and openness in my approach between myself and the clients I work with. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Many helpers share only the positive aspects of their life. There is nothing wrong with this, it's just not my style. We are all humans. We all have a past. Knowing ourselves and others moving from now, onward, is what matters but having an understanding that we can all rise through our struggles through resiliency is beyond beneficial from my perspective. 

 

I believe that a one-up/one-down approach is much less healing than that of a parallel model in which I, as Coach and Sexologist, offer. This approach affords more transparency about my own journey as a means of helping my clients along their own path. If you are looking for a more neutral approach to change, then I am not the right choice to work with for you and/or your partner. I am known to "cut to the chase" quickly and believe in getting to the core issues at hand, sooner rather than later. With that said, I want to share some dimensions of my own humanness once in hopes of providing enough information to inform your process in choosing to work with me (or not). I do not operate under the delusion that I am a good fit to work with all potential clients I come into contact with and urge you to adopt the same belief (of me or anyone else you have interest in working with). 

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Mother​

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I am a biological parent to two, lovely kiddos who are 16 months apart and the best of friends. They make parenting easy much of the time and I am ever so lucky to be their mama. I have also previously had the experience of being a step-parent to three, now adult, stepchildren. This lived experience allows me to be helpful to those in blended and non-nuclear families, so to speak. The experience of parenting has changed the fabric of my being as it does for those who are also part of the parenting fold. I am aware of the joy and pain, highs and lows of what it takes to be a parent. Loving another human/humans more than yourself and also intermittently (and sometimes simultaneously) wanting to throw them out the window (Let's be real, we've all been there) is a love like none other. 

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Partner

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Unlike the automatic, shared DNA form of love that comes with loving a child, maintaining a relationship with a partner with whom DNA is not shared, is complicated at best. What I have found, though, both personally and professionally, is when there is commitment to hard work and prioritization of the relationship, a partnered relationship emotionally, sexually, relationally, spiritually, etc can be one of the most (if not most) fulfilling type of relationships that we are afforded the opportunity to have as humans. 

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Something that doesn't get discussed enough in the helping professions is that there are far to many helping practitioners that don't do their own growth work. I would be without integrity if I pretended that I was not previously a part of that fold...helping others but doing little (if anything) to heal my own wounds. This tendency was a large factor in the eventual (and inevitable) fall of my previous relationship and marriage, amongst other things in my life. Also, of note, is that I am a survivor of extreme, narcissistic abuse and can help those I work with identify the stages and traits that show up in relationships where one partner is a TRUE narcissist. I was once a wounded healer, and so, one of my many soap-boxes in this season of my life is to communicate clearly (and often) that I am not the kind of helping professional that isn't willing to own my own shit and make sense of it on an ongoing and continuous basis.

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Sister and Daughter

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Families are complicated. I am the eldest of three girls. I am a sister and daughter to siblings and parents that I love dearly, despite the emotional challenges that are part of the generational fabric of my family. I come from a family in which (almost) no one has done any form of therapy, coaching, or any healing work despite the generations and generations of mental illness and unhealthy patterns that are part of its history . My family system is one that I am and will always be learning to navigate in a healthy way. The trials that I have faced in these relationships have taught me many lessons about the roles that I play and have played in other parts of my life, and for those growth points I am thankful. The lived experiences in my own family have also assisted in integrating the role that family patterns play in the relational and sexual lives of the the clients I work with more possible. 

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Mental Illness & Addiction

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For many years I was a "wounded healer" who was not Presently, I have found stability in the appropriate medication regimen and emotional work that, I believe, will be a lifelong in order to continue to achieve the highest and healthiest quality of life for myself, for those I love, and those I serve.

 

Battling the monsters in my own closet have given me stripes of strength like no other challenges could ever have bestowed on me. It is through the rise and fall of my life, and learning to rise again, that I for the first time was granted the opportunity to be the best version of me possible. As a Coach and Sexologist, this part of my story allows me to assist those who are going through extreme struggles to help navigate the most difficult parts of their story and help them and/or their partners realize their greatest potential. Don't get me wrong, excruciating heartbreak is not absent from these chapters in my story, but I also believe the lived experience of mental illness and addiction have created platforms for me that allows me to be a better helping professional. It is up to you to determine whether you agree (or not)

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Sexual Healing

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In 2003 I started out working with sexual assault victims. The dawn of that specific work began not long after my own lived experience of sexual trauma. If I am being real (and I am trying to be), this was also the beginning of my denial of all the challenges I was facing mentally, which would later have a great impact on my life. Without knowing it I put my own wounds away and turned my attention to the wounds of others because, well, the dragons in my own closet were more scary to face than in the closets of others. I was a victim of assault which left wounds that are now scars thanks to the healing work I have done. My passion to address sexual stories to help others create sexual intimacy was born out of the fire of my own pain. From those ashes, I have been able to uncover the beauty that is embracing the sexual self.

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It is my hope that whatever your pain may be, that by knowing part of my story, your own rise from the ashes may be just a bit easier. You are not alone. We all have the ability to figuratively burn to the ground and rise again (and again-if needed) as something much stronger and more profoundly beautiful than the previous version of the self from seasons past. 

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Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. If it makes sense for us to work together it will be a privilege once that work begins.

 

In the meantime, love and light in all you do,

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